A Time And A Season For Relationships

These past few weeks have been a time of rejuvenation for me. I took a step back and stood still to get myself in check and to straighten out some things that needed to get in order in my life. For those of you who know me and my story you know that a year ago my relationship w/my boyfriend of 6 yrs ended. Since we broke up we have tried to put things back together and it just didn't work. I made my mind up a 4 months ago, but because of not wanting to hurt his feelings and to keep from my feelings from overtaking me I backed off slowly. Its been a painful journey for me, but a necessary one. I have finally put that relationship behind me and have moved on. It hasn't been an easy road. I remain friends with him but at a distance for a while. Its never easy to close the door on relationships of any kind but there is a time and season for all relationships. The season has ended on this one. I am okay with being single and for the first time in a very long time I have true peace in my life. I would have moments of peace, but none that ever lasted for more than days at a time. I now sleep good at night where before I couldnt sleep through the night without waking up several times in the night. I know it doesn't sound like much to some people, but that is a big thing for me. I was so tired all the time and my body was breaking down from the stress and anxiety of the whole situation. I am not saying at all the he is a bad person he and I just needed to end a relationship that started off wrong from the beginning. I am not sad about it I have never been happier and I give god all the praise for that. I am a very emotional person, you can ask the ladies of W.O.W. they will tell you I cry all the time....lol!, and for me to be happy coming out of this is a miracle in itself. That is how I know that I made the right decision. I don't know what the future holds for me as far as a relationship w/him or any other man, but I do know god wanted to move me, but I was being held down by the weights of my hurt and pain and it was time to be rid of that and to be able to move on. If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience its that I am stronger than I thought I was through the strength that god has given me.

Wonderful Christmas

I hope everyone has had a wonderful christmas. I know I have been quiet on blogging lately, but I have been taking some time for myself which has been much needed. I will still continue to blog, but for now it may only be short messages for a while. I am going through some necessary changes in my life and I am letting god do the work.

Today my family and I did christmas dinner different than we usually do. We decided to do spaghetti and meatballs, w/salad, and breadsticks. I made homemade pecan pies and my mom made her flan cakes (yum) and chocolate cupcakes for the kids. My sister had quite a few teeth pulled and could not eat anything hard so we decided to do our christmas dinner different this year for her. She apprecited that we did cause its still hard for her to chew. The kids loved their gifts and wanted to play with all of it at once, typical. I always enjoy spending time with my family and we are very close. I hope that your christmas was as wonderful as mine and I will talk to you all soon.

I was so excited about the dance we did yesterday at church. I always look forward to ministering whether it be at our church or out somewhere. Curtis, the praise team, and the choir were awesome yesterday. They help usher me into the presence of god. I don't ususally get to stand by and just worship without being up front, but second service yesterday I did and I soaked myself in him. I didn't have to worry about anyone watching me, please don't misunderstand I love doing what I do with wings of worship and its an awesome privelege that the lord would choose me to be apart of that, but sometimes you just want it to be you and god. I wanted to worship and I did and it was just what I needed. I was watching the ladies as they were doing their flags while I was on the side worshiping and I was moved to tears watching their faces and seeing them worship in their own way. We don't get to see ourselves, not that I care to, but you don't know what people see when your up there. I got to see first hand yesterday. I was saying god thank you for letting you shine through them. That is always my prayer that they see him shine through. I can't wait to see what god will do next and look forward to whatever he has us do. We are all growing in him and together as a group. We are going to see powerful and miraculous things happen as we move forward into what he has called us to do. We all long for that and to be used in whatever way he leads.

My daughter Natalie is growing herself in the lord. He has given her a talent for music and writing and he has been revealing things to her and she has shared a few of them with me. I don't tell her enough how proud I am of her and to see her maturing in the lord more everyday. I am a blessed woman to have two wonderful girls who love god with all their heart. They can't stand to miss church cause they don't want to miss a thing. Natalie has been chosen to be apart of G-Force which is a greeting ministry for the teens. There is alot more involved with it than greeting, but that is the best way to describe it. She is excited to be apart of it. She remembers the first time she came to NVMC, protesting the whole time, and Paul Howell was the person who talked to her and made her feel welcome there. Its funny that he is the one who is head of G-Force. Well I expect that you will be hearing things about Natalie before long. I really believe that god is going to use her in a big way that she doesn't even know yet.

Bursting Inside

Pastor Cha was awesome sunday at church. That song fall like rain was so powerful as she sang it. I could feel the presence of god so strong while we were doing flags. At one point I was lost in my worship and it was me and god and no one else was there. I felt him wrap his loving arms around me. I was saying god let your presence fall like rain on me so I can be drenched. I was so thirsty that day cause I had let myself get in a dry place for a short time and I needed that.



I wonder sometimes what people think about us doing flags up there in front of church. If they think we are doing it for a show or do they see the worship on our faces and feel his presence with each movement of our flag. That is my prayer that they feel and see us worshiping. I lay all of my cares at that altar when I am up there worshiping. Sometimes I put my flags down cause I feel a song wanting to come out of me. Sometimes it maybe moves that we already came up with or sometimes I put my own into it. I can't contain my worship anymore nor do I want to. I don't do what I do for recognition I do it because he said will you move for me. My answer was and always will be yes.

Falling In Love

The lord had been dealing with me in the past year about falling in love. I thought I was in love with some of the guys I have dated, but truly only in love with one of them. I had to give him up. God has been showing me how to fall in love with him all over again. Not the guy but god. I have been so wrapped up in my lifetime with the guys that I have dated that I seem to substitute them for his love. Don't misunderstand me I do want to be married and I am in love with someone, but that took too much of my focus off of god and somehow I fell out of love with god. Is that possible? I didn't think so until he started dealing with me a year ago. Like in any other relationship you have to work at it. You have to spend time with that person and get to know them and you do thinigs for that person that shows the how much you love them. When you are in love with someone you want to shout it to the whole world. . I wasn't doing much of that. I told myself I was too busy with work, kids, W.O.W., church to spend the time with him like I should. I only talked to him when I needed something or was going through something. I wanted him to do things for me while I did nothing in return for him. Doesn't sound much like love does it. Don't let yourself get so wrapped up in yourself that you forget to show god love how much you love him. We show him our love by spending time in prayer with him, singing, dancing, and praising him, reading his word, listening to him when he speaks to us, sharing our thoughts, hopes, and dreams with him, and being obedient. I don't ever want to find myself at that place where I fall out of love with god again. Its great to have someone to share your life with here, but nothing can take the place of our heavenly father. He loves us like no one else can. I want to shout it to the whole world how much I love him.

I'm Still Alive And Kicking

Bet you thought I fell off the face of the earth.....lol! Just kidding. I just came off a week of overtime, 60 hrs I worked last week. It was an answer to prayer. Those of you that have read my blog know that I have to pay a $500 fine by the end of January. I wasn't sure how I was going to pay it, but I knew god did. He provided an opportunity for me to get as much ovetime as I wanted to be able to get a good start on paying that. I won't lie I complained halfway through the week and was cranky. I still thanked god the whole way through it, cause if it wasn't for him providing me the o/t I don't know how I would have come up with the money.

I have been sick this week with a sinus infection and battling fatigue from last weeks o/t. For those of you who don't know where I work I sit in front of a computer all day and process claims. I work for SHPS. I have been there since February. I enjoy the job most of the time and the people I work with. Its the first time I have had a job that I can keep to myself if I want to. I know that sounds like a someone wanting to hide, but that's not what I mean. I needed a job where I could get focused and not be pulled in a million different directions, where I could slow down from the fast paced businesses that I worked for before.

God has been dealing with me lately on somethings and I will be sharing some of them over the next week or two. I miss blogging. I am not eloquent with my words and don't have some powerful words for people. I am just me and I told god that I would expose myself for him and share with people in hopes that it will touch their lives and hopefully help people who are where I have been.

Well god bless and I will be writing more in the next couple of days to catch up. I promise I won't overload you......well.....just kidding.